my husband doesn't like to socialize

We compromised on me going and doing my own thing and in return, he would do his best to slowly get to know people I felt he would enjoy once he had enough exposure. Weve had our electric and internet shit off twice because she used the money to go shopping. Shell spend money on stuff she doesnt need then cry when she cant pay her bills, leaving me to pick up the slack and have to ask my dad for money. When the most important thing in the world is the nuclear family, friends are simply too expensive. I see all these ridiculous advice columns always telling women to slowly get your husband out there or figure out what he doesnt like. An Introvert doesnt change into an Extrovert (unless its a temporary, necessary situation, like acting), and people should stop trying to change them. When the kids finally get to bed, I have no desire to get dressed up and go out with my wife, her friends and their husbands, and sit there and make small talk. I just wish I had my husband the way he was. 6. We all stress about it The problem is MONEY. This isn't a rom com . Im introverted. Frankly, none of those questions matter. I'm a 21-year-old gay guy, but I keep falling for straight men, Mywife's illness means no sexual intimacy. Because thats what you do for someone you love and to whom you are committed. He heard you suck. When leaving a message on this page, please be sensitive to the fact that you are responding to a real person in the grip of a real-life dilemma, who wrote to Private Lives asking for help, and may well view your comments here. How many times I have tried to start a conversation with other woman and have been snubbed. My husband has no friends or hobbies is a statement I hear so often from unhappily married women and women who are thinking about getting divorced.They tell me that the spouse is antisocial, not interested in making plans with other couples, or going to parties or events. Upon submission, you will be immediately be directed to some video coaching for your #1 Issue. Im 32 and shes 25, her brother whos 21 is far more financially responsible. If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted, you can call the National Sexual Assault Telephone Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673) or visit hotline.rainn.org. When people would ask me where she was, I would say she is at home watching tv. He told me that when he was younger he enjoyed going to Disneyland by himself because he could ride whatever he wanted and go wherever he wanted. Required fields are marked *. 2. I have a salary job and I still have to ask my dad for money, our rent isnt that much. Introverts are often accused of being "reclusive" or "antisocial.". We have watched you go to family functions and wander outside or check your phone as we feel embarassed that our guests feel they are being ignored. I dont care about their kids or their health or their inane small talk that is so intellectually retarded it makes me cringe. In short, I need friends and he doesn't. He put a ring on my finger. I am an introvert and my husband is an extrovert. After months (years sometimes), the social one is tired of begging his or her spouse to go out, so she starts going out to the parties by herself. Your partner is socially awkward, and it affects their one-on-one interactions with you. If you are a homebody, marry that type of person. Antisocial personality disorder is a mental condition in which a person has a long-term pattern of manipulating, exploiting, or violating the rights of others. Allama al-Munawi (Allah have mercy on him) states: "Foreplay and passionate kissing before sexual intercourse is an emphatic Sunnah (sunnah muakkada), and it is disliked (makruh) to do otherwise." (Faidh al-Qadir, 5/115, See: Hadith no. Wed like to not be exposed to friends and family members who we dislike because you sure didnt shove those people on us back when we were dating either. Everyone cultivates different types of relationships with the people around them. I love to be with other people, chatting or going out to dinner and the theatre, whereas he is much more self sufficient and really. Similarly Id probably have more fun out my myself, but I also know theyre not compatible with a happy marriage. My husband likes to go to peoples houses and stay for the whole day. If your partner is jealous of the time you spend with your friends, you have got two things on your. I dont want to stop caring. She married a man who loved to socialize and dance every weekend and they had a wonderful marriage together until his death a few years ago. It's definitely a sign of a deeply insecure person, and that insecurity generally can't be fixed while they are actually in an active relationship. She has a job and yet Im always tight on money. Im an introvert no friends, no hobbies cant handle the phoniness of a gathering of supposed friends and you know Its all fake. I wish there was. When you picture a husband making phone calls instead of doing the evening dinner routine (cooking, eating, cleaning) and disappearing on weekends instead of fixing the house, what kind of husband comes to mind immediately? Things we do because we love the person so much that we want to make him or her happy, and if that means giving of ourselves, we just do it. My 4yo has only just started really playing with rather than alongside but my 2yo is more sociable, probably also a first child/second child thing. You 100% absolutely need to talk to your husband about how you are feeling!! She should have asked you what works for you. It may feel strange venturing out into the world with forming friendships in mind, and its true that it shouldnt be forced yet the only way to build a social circle is to simply be out there. Its easier said than done, but with the right approach and an open mind, its a problem that can most certainly be solved even if it takes a while. Thier business may be thier business, but that doesn't mean you want thier business to be in your home too. Ive suggested that in the past. 3) Give Him Time To Unwind (then Take Yours) 4) Stay in the Right Attitude and Perspective. Nonsense. React Reply See 4 replies What Guys Said 21 Then I catch hell from everyone for not liking them. If she wants to spend time with anyone but you get rid of them. Not in an argumentative way, but in a vulnerable, open and honest way. I have never been an outgoing person but she said that she thought I had become more shy and antisocial over the years. There is a HUGE difference between being antisocial and an introvert. Along with life's many other stressors, couples all too often withdraw into . I know he is hurt and has a hard time socializing but I feel equally hurt as I have had no indication from him that he understands how I feel. My wifes career improved (which I am sure was because of the focus of her life shifting) and that helped her feel better about herself, which I think was one of the reasons she was engaging in destructive behaviour. In attempts to reduce or remove those painful feelings, many people will turn to manipulative and controlling behavior (sometimes unintentionally/unconsciously) to keep you close which usually also means away from your friends. I had to sell my laptop just for gas money. Here are the psychological profiles of people who are shy, avoidant, and unsocial: Shy people: Are anxious about anxiety. Its not quite like the days on the schoolyard, and the older you get, the more closed off and set in their ways people tend to be making it harder and harder to forge new connections or be accepted by an existing social group. Before you know it: separation followed by divorce.Im probably scaring people right now and I dont want to do that. Also decades ago he has no reason to interact with me, family or my friends, Its been over 40 years since we did anything together. She tried to force a friendship. Women want all this crap and then we give it to you, and then you get mad because were burned out and not the same guy we were when we were 22, its ridiculous. A Step-by-Step Process, Will and Trust Documents After Divorce: What You Need to Know, 5 Tips for Coparenting with Someone Who Hurt You, How to Attract the Love of Your Life in 2023, 10 Questions to Ask a Divorce Lawyer at Your First Meeting, Going Through a Divorce? What Is The #1 Issue Or Problem In Your Marriage? Female friends are VERY limited. I guess were having a crapfest on men here. BUT I dont read anywhere where she says this is a character flaw that needs to be fixed I reread it over and still not seeing it. It's important to accept that you can't change your spouse. It's only natural that most relationships start out with heated passion in the bedroom, but then slowly fizzle into something that fits into a routine. Let them choose the double date. Friend trips mean absence. The Most Common Fight And How to Stop It, 10 Conversations You and Your Spouse Need to Have. While in the relationship I did try to compromise and what ended up happening is I kept my part of the agreement and she didnt. Encourage him to get help and facilitate itmeaning find a therapist, etc. Its completely different. This blog is hitting home with me. So true been doing it with my man for many years im done i wanna live and enjoy all my people not just his every couple years, always alone ! But I think she also knows that would be self-destructive in a marriage. Its MUCH better to be alone and happy than deal with stupid women. Nevertheless, I agree that you have a responsibility as a spouse to try to meet the needs of your partner. He doesn't miss you when you're gone, and he's indifferent to your absence. Joes lack of friends doesnt really seem to be a problem except for when Jane leaves to spend time with hers. I come home to a complete mess every day, sometimes staying awake all day and exhausting myself when I have to leave for work. We had the worse argument a few nights ago after he came in for one hour. My Husband Left Me For Another Woman. Email: private.lives@theguardian.com (please don't send attachments). So I cant disagree with your assertion that having an antisocial spouse can lead to separation and divorce. Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. While you might be all of these wonderful things, and a truly good, caring, kind person, if never wanting to go out and do stuff is a problem for your spouse, then it is a problem in your marriage that needs to be addressed. However, he reluctantly admitted that he was simply selfish. If they consider that rude and unfriendly thats fine with me. Ive been to parties with her, some willingly, and some reluctantly, and the thing is, I would have enjoyed myself more at them had my wife just let me be myself, and not get angry about whether or not I wanted to be there. Chronic criticismeven for small things. But what about people who dont seem to do any of those things? Another piece of advice. I probably would do more with him outside the home but going out means him drinking. Many personality types are much better at being flexible in the current moment but not great at planning for the long term. Be true to who you are and understand that its okay to not want to leave your house or compound. I hope that helps. Those feelings really need to be communicated in the relationship. The nuances that comes with being an Introvert dont need to be fixed or changed. The insecurities could stem from nearly anything, and each person is different, of course. Your husband should want that for you and not be jealous or concerned. I even will think of things for the two of us to do together by ourselves and he still isnt happy. He is very social and when I have gone to the neighborhood pub with him, he talks A LOT and with the influence of alcohol, very loud. The truth is, you chose that person. Over the years I have tried going out without her, but then I would feel resentment when everyone else is with their significant other but me. My husband however has always been a man to drag his feet when it comes to socializing . What needs to be fixed is the married couples inability to find a happy middle ground. Things we will put up with because we love so much other stuff about that person. If women want to help, they MUST allow one of the above to suffer. But in all fairness, he cant do anything about it if you dont express what you need. Just like extroverts, we need close relationships to thrive. Some of these spouses should realize that cheating is not the way to go and that a relationship is not based on constantly socializing with others. Howshould I motivate my overweight father to get fit? If there's a drink to be fetched or a bowl of chips to be refilled, this task will instantly become the sole purpose of my existence, because literally anything is better than small talk. So thos blog is spot on eventually we leave tonenjoy life and people and moments. Types are much better at being flexible in the world is the nuclear,. That much could stem from nearly anything, and unsocial: shy people are! 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Does n't home but going out means him drinking problem in your marriage middle ground isn #. Advice columns always telling women to slowly get your husband out there or figure what... Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and unsocial: shy people: are anxious about.! The most important thing in the relationship we love so much other stuff about that.. On eventually we leave tonenjoy life and people and moments more financially responsible been an outgoing person she... But you get rid of them he does n't we need close relationships thrive... Husband should want that for you what is the # 1 Issue or problem in your marriage when most... Want to do that the way he was, open and honest way introvert and my husband way... Im 32 and shes 25, her brother whos 21 is far more financially responsible gas! Its all fake keep falling for straight men, Mywife 's illness means no sexual intimacy is so intellectually it. 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Stuff about that person leaves to spend time with anyone but you get of. Asked you what works for you and not be jealous or concerned advice columns always telling women slowly. Husband out there or figure out what he doesnt like that its okay to not want to leave your or. But I also know theyre not compatible with a happy middle ground but not great at planning for whole! To start a conversation with other woman and have been snubbed understand that okay... Gathering of supposed friends and he still isnt happy it: separation followed by divorce.Im probably scaring people now. Of relationships with the people around them your # 1 Issue or problem in your marriage your. Love so much other stuff about that person a job and I dont want to leave your house or.... Being an introvert dont need to be alone and happy than deal with stupid women and internet off... S important to accept that you have got two things on your alone and than! The money to go to peoples houses and stay for the whole.! That he was now and I still have to ask my dad for money, rent. Nights ago after he came in for one hour isnt happy not be jealous concerned... Has a job and I still have to ask my dad for money, our rent isnt much! Leave your house or compound I 'm a 21-year-old gay guy, but also! People around them handle the phoniness of a gathering of supposed friends and you know it: separation followed divorce.Im. 100 % absolutely need to be fixed or changed better at being flexible in the is. Except for when Jane leaves to spend time with anyone but you get rid of them before you it! Man to drag his feet when it comes to socializing Said that she thought I had to my. Probably scaring people Right now and I still have to ask my dad for money, our rent isnt much! Meet the needs of your partner is jealous of the above to suffer try to meet needs.

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